What I Didn’t Realize
I used to look at moms who were saying goodbye to their kids going on missions or to college and think how it will be sad because they must miss them, but there is so much more to this shift for the whole family. On the day that we dropped Joel off at the Stuttgart airport we came home and I walked into his room and just cried. He had packed up (most) of his things and I knew I was going to eventually get to work on cleaning and prepping it as our guest room for the next two years but I didn’t want to think about or do any of that in the moment. In the days since he left I’ve realized there is SO MUCH MORE to this whole transition than simply missing him around.
A friend messaged me saying “welcome to the next phase of parenting that will last the rest of your life!” with an exuberance that carried with it a heavy weight that settled on my mind and heart. Being a parent of adult children does last much longer, and is so different than the phases of diapers, and bedtimes, and working through school and friends.
Joel leaving also changes our current family dynamic in subtle ways. Brian, my third, burst into tears when we did a video call with Joel a couple days ago. “I miss you!” he sobbed. That broke my heart a bit. I hadn’t thought about my other kids really missing him on an emotional level. Oof. How was I so focused on just myself?
Emme is now the oldest at home and also misses Joel, but it isn’t showing up as tears — right now anyway.
Nola seems the least affected.
Joel leaving is formative on all of us. My kids have a good example to look to in him and will likely feel more confidence in their own path after seeing his choices. I feel excited for all the good he will experience and become based on the memories I have of these years and what I did myself. Matt has a tender heart through it all.
They say grief comes in waves and I’d say these past few days have really driven that home for me. I want to just sit and marinate in it a bit, and I also want to distract myself from feeling it which is why I planned to get out and be busy lately. Here are some of the beautiful places I’ve been keeping busy with:
The Stuttgart Public Library! It’s such a unique place to see.
They have sections of books in all different languages and I was so impressed with the room of sheet music! We can use this library for free, but it’s downtown so the likelihood of me getting checked out items back on time is slim. It was fun to see it though.
I stopped by the old village of Calw with a friend for their Vintage Flea Market day.
I bought some antique walking poles and a cane with notations on it to help fill a large umbrella basket I have in my entryway at home. And I found some old roller skates for Nola who has been begging for some. She will love them!
Window box goals!
Life moves so quickly, and breathes and shifts, and is making all in the past and the present more dear to me still. It’s all passing like a dream.
