The Slow Down

Yay! We received the happy news that our car had arrived and that we needed to obtain the proper customs paperwork and temporary registration to submit before it arrived for pick up. It was lining up perfectly with us returning the borrowed minivan that Matt’s boss had loaned to us while they were on vacation to the States and Portugal. Truly a God send. I don’t know how we would have done those first weeks without it!

But here we are. Two weeks later. Still no car.

Apparently once it crosses the ocean and arrives in port, they wait until there are enough cars to deliver in your area to bring the all down at once. It makes sense, but we are all itching to have it.

Public transportation has been cool, and the duty bus that runs between the different military installations where we live and work is great, but there is a freedom with having a car that cannot be matched. Public transit has been super sketchy lately with power lines down from a recent mild earthquake, and then just general line disruptions so many people are finding their journeys cancelled and are left stranded.

And as much as I appreciate the incredible generosity of new friends to lend us a car, we can wait. We are sure it will be here soon…we think 😆.

In the meantime, our days (ok, my days) have been full and busy. I don’t think it matters what stage of life you’re in, there is always more you need to do and want to do than there are hours in the day. I’m walking to grocery shop and carry all the groceries home, riding the buses to get to appointments for all the paperwork we are still wrapping up and making lots of phone calls for more appointments. Plus spending time with new friends and reading with my kids, and walking to the village farmers’ market because the walk and the produce is the die for.

Life has been intensely busy for the last several months with our move to Germany and then getting situated here…it’s been a lot and my body is now letting me know. I feel I’ve aged an extra decade or so. A few days ago I was moving some rotted wooden furniture from the community patio to the dump to clean up the area and I must have turned just so so that my back is injured. It’s been the eye-opening kind of pain that makes you fearful that something may be really wrong. My stubborn nature is keeping me firmly in the denial department and I am trying to carry on and move as much and as normally as possible. I think it’s helping, maybe. Being upright and on my feet is excruciating. I was telling Matt that I noticed something though — when I am busy helping someone else, I become totally unaware of the pain. As soon as I step away or try to take a minute for myself (like right now, ha ha!) the pain is all in. I think God is blessing me with distraction while I heal.

So it’s been a lot of taking dinners and cookies to people moving in, cleaning our empty apartment, folding laundry, and walking the dog, and then carefully sliding into bed at night as I try to avoid wincing because of the pain.

I have been immersed in trip planning too, and am realizing just how much time and creative energy goes into it all! I mean, we live in the most centrally located starting point for all of Europe and can be in several different countries within just a few hours of driving. I just looked where Lake Como, Italy is and we’re only a 6-hour drive away! (p.s. Apparently Lake Garda is the one to visit, not Lake Como). Germany has SO much history and sites to visit, and then there’s all these other countries within reach too. I’m SO excited to plan some trips that will really help my kids experience something new, like Morocco next spring, Croatia, maybe Egypt.

We know living here that we will have one four-day weekend every month and we want to utilize it to visit things near and far (relatively) and soak up this living experience. I am feeling super proud of myself for getting five excursions booked over the next couple months. Some for a few last hurrahs with Joel before he leaves, and some for after. I just need to find a dog sitter that I love!

All this busy-ness and my absolute shift in existence (how my schedule and days go, how much my kids do and don’t need me, the time change with working my own business) came to a head with my back pain. It was a needed halt to help me tune in to what I need to focus on and where I need to slow down. I have a tendency to speed up when things get hard, as though if I double down then I can get through something hard twice as fast and come out on the other side of it. Problem is, I’ve learned that I’m never really through the hard stuff…more just keeps coming. Slowing down is the thing I need to do so I am happy and present through it all.

I recently listened to an address by D. Todd Christoffersen given to young adults. He spoke on the importance of choice and commitment. It’s one I could listen to again and again. Near the end of his words, he shared music that had been especially meaningful to him. I admit the first time I heard it, it made me antsy, like, it was too slow. But this time as I listened, the words and the music felt like a weighted peace for my heart and mind. It was what I need to hear, and to feel.

You have to listen to this! The singer is Sissel from Norway. These are the words:

In the midst of my confusion

In the time of desperate need

When I am thinking not too clearly

A gentle voice does intercede

Slow down, slow down, be still

Be still and wait, on the Spirit of the Lord

Slow down and hear His voice

And know that He is God

In the time of tribulation

When I’m feeling so unsure

When things are pressing in about me

Comes a gentle voice so still, so pure

Slow down, slow down, be still, my child

Be still and wait, on the Spirit of the Lord

Slow down and hear His voice

And know that He is God

And know that He is God.

I needed this reminder. I needed to feel it; I needed the music to carry the words in a way that would stay with me and come back to me when I need it. Back pain can be good. Running too fast can be good. Falling apart can be good.

Good because it forces me to slow down. Good because it helps me look to God and feel His help and abundance more clearly in my life.

I’m needing this slow down.