The Last Hurrah

Moving overseas gives urgency to seeing family one last time that’s so different from just a regular stateside move. We knew we had to make this massive trip happen, but I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to stay home…stress makes me collapse in on myself sometimes. It’s not easy to take the kids out of school and miss work for 14 days and spend 6 of those days just driving, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.

Sometimes just making the effort means more than anything else, and sometimes the thing you’re feeling stress from is leading you to the exact thing you really need.

So we packed our bags and off we went! We passed the time by listening to podcasts and books, watching movies, and sleeping. I’m always optimistic that I’ll get some work done or write more when we are away, but, no…I enjoyed the podcasts and books and movies, and sleeping just like the kids. And I drove a lot too. It was SO needed!

First stop was in Ogden, Utah, to see Matt’s parents for a day. I love looking at the mountains there knowing that my great-great grandma saw the same beauty when she arrived there by train all the way from the Netherlands. What a shock it must have been to see the hills and valleys! If you’ve ever been to the Netherlands you know how flat it is there. She took up a job as a housekeeper and made friends with the growing Dutch community there in Ogden, and later met her husband and raised a family. My own mom was born there too and I remember driving to Ogden often as a girl to visit. I told my kids to notice the mountains and remember the same story.

Our next stop was Coeur D’Alene, Idaho, to see Matt’s sister and her amazing family. We stayed in their cabin on the lake which was the most idyllic place to rest. Forested mountains and a huge lake of calm water. The kids immediately jumped in the kayaks and we all picked up with each other right where we left off years before. I ventured out on my own the next morning to explore for a couple hours on foot, having to jump off the narrow road every time a car came whizzing around the corner. I loved peaking down the drives and over the brush to see the amazing waterfront homes and the incredible views. Back at the cabin we had round after round of 4-square, lightsaber battles, played all the card and board games, and watched movies at night. We even braved the cold and rain to visit the local amusement park which turned out to be so fun. After a few days we had to say goodbye. Some in my family cry a lot. Some just get quiet. We all deal with these big emotions in different ways. It was hard.

We drove back to Ogden and spend more time with Matt’s parents and his brother’s family. Matt and I went to the temple one morning and then had his parents and the grandkids that were old enough join us there (Joel, Emme, and Kylie). It was the best day! I’ll never forget coming back to the house after and checking to see if there was any news about our medical paperwork (EFMP) clearing — it was getting down to the wire where we would have to postpone our move if we didn’t receive the clearance soon. Matt opened his email and only saw “not approved for travel” in the middle of the page, but as he deflated I looked closer to see on the left that we had all been approved for travel! To me it was an absolute miracle because we knew the horrible backlog of applications waiting to be cleared and we knew it would take divine intervention for our timeline to stay on track. So many people had been praying for us and I am so grateful! We celebrated Matt’s dad’s birthday the next day with all the “May the Fourth be with you” cheesiness we could muster.

And then more goodbyes. It’s so hard to see your kids sob over leaving grandparents and family. Matt and I both cry too and feel such a pull to move back closer to family. But it’s not time yet. We’ve lived so far away for all of our married life and I’d be lying if I didn’t share that I’ve mourned the loss of time with my parents and other family. I grew up in one place for the most part with cousins all around. Matt did too. Our life is totally new for us and I am always mindful of how my kids are experiencing life differently. One of the beautiful things about living far away is that when you do get together with extended family and grandparents there is never any room for anything but making amazing memories. No drama or taking each other for granted. I do my best to dwell on this huge plus and make the most of it.

After leaving Matt’s parents, we traveled to Salt Lake City to catch up with my parents for my youngest brothers graduation from the University of Utah. My parents are serving as missionaries in the Portland, Oregon mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the past year, so them being able to come for the graduation was really special. My sister who lives part time in SLC hosted the best party to bring us all together. I’m one of seven kids and all of us were there except one, which is pretty remarkable! James (my brother who is graduating) is moving right into a masters degree at UofU in French, so the party was berets and croissants and crepes…all the details. The party continued at the commencement ceremony that night. We walked and walked, road the train, and walked and walked, played cards and Bananagrams and a fun new card game, Cover your Kingdoms while catching up. It was such a short visit and I cried and cried saying goodbye as we drove away to come back “home”.

It took two days of driving to get back to New Mexico. The tears hit me again as we pulled into our driveway. It doesn’t feel like home to me here anymore which is funny because this place has felt more like home than any other with amazing friends and familiar places. I think it is just time for us to go again and that feels heavy and hard.

There’s a duplicity of emotions each time we move. Painful goodbyes. Doubting all of our plans and decisions as adults. Second guessing how the kids are handling it all and wondering if this is just too much for them.

And also a persistent feeling of hope, purpose, and peace. It’s knowing that none of this is a surprise to God and that He is with us through it all. I’ve had too many instances where I have seen His care in the tiniest of details from making fast friends to seeing a rainbow or blue bird just at the right time when I need to remember He is there. When things are hard, I think I look for Him more. I love something John Beck, former NFL player shared:

I love how Christ wants us to feel the humanness that we all have so that we will turn to Him; that’s part of the beauty of the gospel.

I’m feeling my humanness through all of this more than ever…more than I’d like, but I’m grateful.

xo